Follow along and read about how Ryan spent his final days surrounded by those he loved the most... his FAMILY.

You can follow my blog at: Our life in Letters to Ryan

September 13, 2009

Sunday Sept. 13th 2009,

Well things are still on track to start Chemo tomorrow. Each night I've been getting really bad chills which then turn into high fevers. My strength keeps getting tested and sometimes I feel like ripping out my I.V. and sneaking out of this place, but I know that this opportunity is my best chance of getting over this disease. Before I got cancer, I had heard of people who were going through rounds of chemo and then decided just to stop treatment. I could never understand their reasoning for this, until going through it for myself. Some days you feel worthless and that you are just creating work for everyone. You are so sick that you don't want to get out of bed. Taking a shower is a huge task and sitting up to take your pills with some water is more than you want to do. Its on those days that all of your prayers and support get me through it all.
My brother Mitchell spent 2 days here at the hospital with me and kept me company until my parents were able to come back to Tucson. Now that they are back in town, they are able to watch Hallie and Max and Margie was able to stay the night and all of today with me. Its so nice to have her company at the hospital. Somehow she remains positive and is always there to encourage me. I fall more and more in love with her each day.

Love Ryan


Seth and Julie said...

So honest, Ryan. Thanks for that. I am sure we all have no idea how much this sucks but I have faith in you and in Heavenly Father. He is definitely there. Just look at Margie if you ever doubt it. You are both AMAZING to me, even before cancer!!!

Anonymous said...

“When we love, we are courageous; and courage has nothing to do with being fearless, it’s about being willing to experience fear, even dread, to do what we must, without guarantee of outcome.”-Vanna Bonta

Keep being courageous Ryan!

rick said...


Someone once said that you see the stars best when it's the darkest. Your stars are the love you have for Margie, Hallie and Max, your family and extended family and the countless friends who love and pray for you daily. You know they've always been there, but they shine even more during times like these. Their thoughts and prayers and good wishes are strenthening ME and I know they're doing that to you too. When reading these posts, I feel like I'm being lifted up. You're friends are inspiring! Stay strong. You're the brightest star out there!!!


webster said...

Margie is amazing, i do have to agree with you! Keep fighting!
ps-will you ask margie to post the code for your blog button?

Mindy Burns said...

You two are the cutest couple ever and we love you both so much!!!

Kinsey England said...

Good luck tomorrow!!!! I'm thinking about you and your family!

Katelin said...

You do have a lot of reasons to keep fighting with all you've got, Ryan! You have the best family ever and so many others who love you too!! You're doing great and I'm sure everything will go well with the transplant and this will be over before you know it. We love you all!

Tornado Alley said...

"The most important things in life aren't things."
Thanks for posting and reminding us of what truly is important!

We can only imagine how hard this is for you and your family. When we read your posts we see just a little glimpse and that tiny glimpse makes us hurt for you. But know that there are so many keeping you in their thoughts and prayers! We pray everything will go smoothly today and that you'll be enjoying better health soon.

The Varela family

burgessbunch2008 said... are one of my patients I took care of that I will never forget. I thank your family and you for posting this blog so we can keep an update on you. YOu and your family have amazing strength. I witnessed it everyday. Everyone at Northwest sends thier love and prayers. I keep you and your family in my prayers and I know heavenly father iswatching over you!!


The Collard Clan said...

Been thinking about you all day...hope everything is going well. You and your family are in our prayers.
Your wife is pretty amazing!! - What a trooper. She will get you through this. We are waiting and hoping for good news soon...

Brian Bruner said...

We asked our ward to fast for you guys especially yesterday in Church - our prayers are with you!!

LISA said...

Well Ryan tomorrow is the beginning of a new dawn for you. Just feel the hugs of Max and Hallie's little arms around you. Feel the kisses from your wife. Just remember a couple of weeks ago and thinking of these tough days. As hard as it was, you DID survive them. Soon a new door opens for you. I know it's tough and it's scarey, but you have the inner strength and courage to beat this. Keep thinking of all the fun times you will be having with your family when this is done. You too are helping us, you remind us the importance of even the smallest things. For that we thank you! Loads of love from T. Family in CA!

Reid said...

I'm just seeing your blog and hearing about your cancer. You're in our prayers out here in Colorado. Be strong and keep the faith. I'm remembering all the good times we had in Jazz Band.

Take care,


The Jones Fam said...

Hey Ryan,

I haven't seen you since last June when I rotated here as a student, and just met you briefly, but wanted you to know that you have been in my family's thoughts and prayers. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, but am so inspired by your positive attitude and faith. You can tell that you have been strengthened spiritually through this trial. We're all pulling for you! We're looking forward with faith and hope for your return to full health and strength.

Jake Jones

Stacie said...

Hang in there Ryan! We love you and will continue to send our prayers your way. We love you and your darling family!

The Scotts

Karen said...

I'm Alisa's sister from your home valley in WY! You and your family are in my prayers Ryan. Keep pushing through and trusting in the Lord!

Lisa and Mike said...

Ryan, you are in our prayers. We love you guys. We hope everything went well today. Stay strong!

Kylee said...

We are always thinking and praying for you. Your faith has strengthened the faith of so many. More people have been brought to their knees and come unto Christ because of the faith you have shown. We are grateful for your example. Here's a great quote given by our prophet, Thomas S. Monson:
“I counsel you: Look to the lighthouse of the Lord. There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no gale so strong, no mariner so lost but what its beacon light can rescue.”

We continue to pray for you and your family.

Love always,
Shane and Kylee Thompson

Ryanne said...

Thanks for chronicling what you are experiencing. I really can't imagine because sometimes it hurts to just be reading what you are going through. You are both amazing and even Senneca and Connor remember 'our friends the Hess family' in our family prayers. We love you guys!

John + Jamie = A Delavan Family said...

ryan, sometimes i wonder about these trials and experiences we must go through here, how it will relate to us in the hereafter. how they test us and prepare us. we love you so much, you are a wonderful man and have such a big heart and i think that's why so many people are rallying around you and margie. because you have given us so much love. our thoughts and prayers are with you....thanks for sure your experiences with us.
love jamie and john

Barnes Fam said...

Hi Ryan, Margie, and beautiful family! Anna showed us how to send this little note :) techy we are not. . . hey that hat looks good on you, Ryan! When James gets out of the mountains he will be tickled to see you wearing it. We think of you constantly and keep you and your sweet family in our prayers always. We love you with all of our hearts and we know the Lord watches over you because you are and have always been so truly valiant and good. Love, Jamie, Dale and Family