Follow along and read about how Ryan spent his final days surrounded by those he loved the most... his FAMILY.

You can follow my blog at: Our life in Letters to Ryan

August 23, 2010

Phone Calls...

My car was in the shop and I had just sold Ryan's smaller car. Not to worry though, I had had a sweet 1970 Chevy truck waiting in the garage for me :)

Since the gas gauge doesn't work on the truck and I worried about running out of gas, I wanted to stop and fill it up.

The last time Max had gassed up the car was this time:
...and he LOVED every single minute!!!

As I was pulling up to the gas station:

MAX: Mom, can I help you?

Me: (Not really wanting the "help", but realizing the last time he helped was with Ryan) SsssssssURE...

MAX: Which button Mom? Press this one? THAT one?

Me: No Max, just wait a second... you need to hold on Bud.

I get everything ready and then let Max press the fuel grade button. He tries to do everything and I'm trying my hardest to be patient (Ryan was usually REALLY patient with the kids). I let him put the nozzle into the tank and pull the handle. A custom gas tank had been put in and the gas pump will NOT shut off on its own when it is full. So after a good 45 bucks had been pumped in, I figured there was enough gas and I take out the nozzle to put it back.

MAX: Mom, it needs more gas!!!

Me: No, I think we are good Buddy. I think that's enough.

MAX: No... it needs more!!! It DOES need more!

Me: (As I am putting Max into the truck and getting him buckled in) No, that was enough.

MAX: No it wasn't Mom, because the last time I helped Daddy, he put in more!

Me: Yeah, maybe Daddy did put more in, but really, that was enough.

MAX: Can you call Daddy and ask him? He would know if it needs more.

Me: No bud, we can't call Daddy and ask him.

MAX: Why?

Me: Because Daddy is in Heaven. We can talk to him anytime, but he won't talk back to us... we can't call.

MAX: Well... you can call Heavenly Father! I'm sure he has the number to call Daddy.

Me: (As tears are streaming down my face...) Yes, we can talk to Heavenly Father anytime too and he always hears us, but there is no number we can call.

MAX: Yes, he has the number to call Daddy. I KNOW he knows the number to call Daddy Mom!

I continue explaining that we can ALWAYS talk to Heavenly Father and Ryan, but there won't be a physical voice speaking back to us or a phone number to call and talk.

Of course, if that was the case, I'd be on the phone ALL the time ;)


Emily said...

As I type, tears are running down my face.

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing!

Mindy Burns said...

So I'm crying though!!! I'm so glad you're recording these!!

Sara said...

Margie, you are amazing! Thank you for sharing all of these experiences with all of us!

Aaron Thomason said...

Thanks for sharing your amazing experiences. That is just too cute. Of course I cried reading it. You are in our thoughts and prayers often. I hope you are doing well. You are amazing!

Miranda said...

how sweet! I, for one, would love a phone to call Heavenly Father too. There are several things I'd like to know.

Katelin said...

Oh, Max! You are such a sweetie! And you're a ROCK, Margie!!! Love you!

Shannon Jenkins said...

Margie, I love, love, love these stories! And, might I add, that you look SO cool driving that truck! You look like you're in a Gap ad or something! ;)

Jenni Johansen said...

Awww, Max is so adorable - and I love his innocent request! I'm with Miranda - I have several questions too. You are doing a great job through all this. One day Max will understand better. For now, it just seems like his Dad is on a vacation and will be back soon. And really - he will be.

Anonymous said...

Margie you are doing a incredible job at blogging. i love reading the updates while tears roll down my face. The kids are going to love what you are doing:)

Seth and Julie said...

I continue to be amazed at how wonderfully close your kids are to Heavenly Father through all of this. Max is adamant that he KNOWS Heavenly Father can reach Ryan, because he really truly does know it. His faith is so perfect!
It is awesome that him and Hallie can keep reminding the rest of us how close Ryan still you, and to his Father in Heaven. I am so happy for what they know, and for what it reminds me that I know. To have a child's faith again...I suppose we could get through anything. So powerful!

Thank you for sharing!

Heather (and Ryan) said...

That is awesome. Good for you on excersising patience. I need to work on that one too! If you hadnt, you would have missed that sweet moment! Love it! ANd like their faith!

A Baarz said...

This just made me cry. I love your faith and strength. It makes me want to do better myself with patience. You are wonderful. Thanks for blogging.

The Collard Clan said...

dad's always have great patience...Darrin is way more patient with things like this (or even letting the kiddos help with tasks that are easier to do alone). I wish we could call loved ones too - I sure could use some advise from my sweet sister in law who passed away a year ago. Keep smiling though and even though we can't hear them, they are always listening for us. Give your kiddos an extra hug and kiss today.

Anonymous said...

So sweet for you to share. I need a good cry anyway! My heart is now warm.


Butler Family said...

I have no idea who you guys are but have been reading every so often on your blog and I just happened to skim through it tonight and boy am I glad I did. This post brought me to tears and just made me really smile. Kids really do know how to make us laugh!! They seem to know the right things to say. Thanks for letting me read your posts and for putting a HUGE smile on my face!!! What an inspiration you are to me and I don't even know who you are

Agnes said...

Tim told me I had to see your latest post...I'm glad I read this. I LOVE that little Max what a sweet kid. I'm all about geeting thing done quick too... but what a sweet moment with Max, I have to be better at letting my kids do more. love ya guys! tell Hallie we said Hi :)

Ryanne said...

I agree with Agnes, I need to be more patient and let my kids help me more. Every one of your stories is beautiful Margie. Love you!

Heather said...

Thank you for this sweet story and for all the others too. Your children are so precious.

Kim said...

What a wonderful story, Margie. Thanks for inspiring me to be more patient! Max is such a sweet boy.

Mandi Moon said...

I'm so glad you have continued with your blog. Your kids will love to read this one day.

My 1985 Chevy's fuel gauge doesn't work either. lol. I have to keep track of how many miles I use per tank I fill.

Brooke Hunt (aka Mr. Burns) said...

The pure simple, innocent faith of our children. what a great reminder.