Be INSPIRED

Follow along and read about how Ryan spent his final days surrounded by those he loved the most... his FAMILY.

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You can follow my blog at: dearryno.blogspot.com- Our life in Letters to Ryan
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July 27, 2010

Car Conversations...

Hallie: Mom...what's wrong? Why are you crying?
Hallie: What's wrong Mom? Mom...
Hallie: Mom, why are you crying?

Me: Because... (still not able to answer)

Hallie: Why are you crying Mom?

Me: Because I really miss Dad right now...

Hallie takes our her notepad and starts writing a note (she LOVES to write notes) and then hands it to me.

It reads: I bet Dad is prople sitting next to you. Love, Hallie

Hallie: Mom, see that word right there, that says probably. I just wanted you to know
that!

Me: Aww, thanks Hallie, that is a really nice note.

(Then she leans forward and taps her hand on the passenger side seat)

Hallie: Like RIGHT HERE Mom, I bet Dad is sitting right here!

Then she hands me her special stuffed animal that has a voice recorded message from Ryan inside of it. I play it once, it brings a smile to my face and the comfort I needed, I wipe my tears, thank Hallie and we continue on with the drive.

Then an hour or so later...

Hallie: Hey mom, do you like driving home?

Me: Not really, but it's okay...

Hallie: Well, if I had a magic wand, I would make it so you would be home instantly and then
you wouldn't have to drive anymore!

Me: That would be ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL, I'd LOVE that Sweetie!!!!!

Max: Ya and if I had a magic wand, I'd have MORE magic wands!

Hallie: And you know what else I would do with that magic wand?

Me: What?

Hallie: I would bring daddy back...
Max: Me too, me too!!!! I'd bring Daddy back!!!

Hallie: He would come back being sick though
Max: Ya, Daddy would be sick

Hallie: ... and THEN, we would put ALL our magic wands together and make him not sick
anymore and then he could give us piggy back rides and he would be able to hug you
really strong. That would be GREAT huh Mom?

Me: (as tears are streaming down my face because I wish that could be true) Yes, that
would be wonderful!!!

That little Hallie sure knows how to cheer me up and add that extra bit of sunshine I need to brighten my day. She is a special little girl and I am so lucky to have her happiness, light and love in my life.

22 comments:

Amanda Hutchings said...

i have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. My husband Kevin just graduated this past Friday (he finished the last few classes online thru BYU-Idaho. We drove up so he could walk. I thought of you and Ryan many times as we walked around campus and saw the little apartment you, Whitney and I shared, and then Birchwood. Lots of good memories! Your post brings tears to my eyes, as I see the sadness you are feeling, but also tears of joy that you have such wonderful children. I think miss Hallie is right, and that Ryan is right there with you watching over you all.

Katelin said...

What a darling little lady she is. Wish I could give you a hug right now! Love you so much!

Leah said...

What a beautiful time spent together. She is just a sweetheart.

CrystalSchollard said...

How sweet and amazing! You are all amazing and an inspiration! Thinking of you all!

Seth and Julie said...

I agree with Hallie. Ryan is "prople" right next to you all the time. I am sure that doesn't make you miss him any less though. Big hugs and extra prayers, for all of you!

Erin S said...

Oh Hallie, how sweet is she? ((Hugs)) to all of you!

The Collard Clan said...

That is the beauty of little children...they are so close to our father in heaven and will always be there to brighten our days and make us smile in our darkest hour. You are soooo blessed to have them and with them, you will always have a part of Ryan too. Don't forget to hug and kiss them everyday!

John + Jamie = A Delavan Family said...

love you!
thank you for sharing your moment on the road. magic wands! love it!
big hugs coming your way.
love you,
jamie

Candice said...

I can't imagine all that you have gone through, your post tonight brought tears to my eyes. I love reading your blog! May the memories you have last a life-time!

LesandD said...

I love your little family and miss you so much. I can't wait to give all three of you big hugs. You have two very special children and they have an inspirational mother.

Georgia Allred said...

You seem like you're doing amazingly well. I enjoy your blog as well. It's wonderful to share with others your struggles. Your gratitude will be such a blessing to you in the days ahead.

Willis Family said...

How I wish I could help you and take even a small bit of your ache away. It still comes for me once in a while, like when Alisse rode her bike w/o training wheels. But then I know that someone was there watchin cuz Alisse isn't coordinated enough so someone must've been holdin her lol. Remember our talk about needing to feel Ryan close! Call me if you need a refresher :) He'll be there and you'll feel him.
We love you!

peter said...

Margie, Thank you so much for the continued posts. I spoke in church Sunday and the topic was sanctity for sacred things. I shared some of the conversations I had with Ryan and how awesome it was to see you all together at the Gila Valley Temple, that truly was a sacred experience for me. Thank you for everything. We love you guys.

The Kindle Family said...

Ahh so sweet, how children make you feel so good during such a hard time is a miracle! It just shows how close they are with Heavenly Father. Stay strong Margie!!

Karen said...

You brought tears to my eyes, you are an amazing person for me to look up to, you're an incredible person!

whirligigdaisy said...

Ah. How sweet. Sweetness in the difficulty. All our best.

janki said...

wow marg, i don't know how you do it! that brought more than tears to my eyes! i hope one day i can raise kids with so much love and understanding! keep strong and you'll continue to be in my prayers!

Ryanne said...

Oh Margie, thank you for sharing such tender moments with us. Your blog and memories mean so much to me, they are truly beautiful, just like you.

Tanya said...

Absolutely Priceless! Those sweet little children were sent to you for a reason. What a wonderful blessing our children are, and what comfort they can bring as well. I'll never forget the day we lost our baby, Jackson was with me when I found out. I'll never forget those precious words of comfort. I remember just holding him and crying. He said," It's alright mom, the baby's with Jesus". What a sweet little blessing.
I think about you everyday! Lots of Hugs!

Agnes said...

Wow What a sweet experience! That Hallie is sure a special little girl...I can hardly see the keyboard right now (all the tears)...that conversation you had with her was just So tender! Kids know just what we need, and I'm sure he WAS right there. I prayed that you would make it home safe and knowing you were on the road really pushing to get home gave me the "extra push" I needed to do the dishes and I wasn't planning on doing them that night. Margie I Sure Love ya and I'm glad you're back! :)

Kim said...

Hallie is such a sweet little girl. I'm sure Ryan is always with you!

Moni said...

Oh my gosh, I dont know this kind of loss. and believe me I have had my share a brother, father, grandmother and mother. But never my husband and partner. You are so brave and such a wonderful wife and mother, stay strong you are doing a great job I keep coming back to your blog. I think its so inspirational to let people know its ok so to speak..hurts but its ok..take care