It was this very week, one year ago, that Ryan had his first bone marrow biopsy, found out the exact type of cancer he had, was told he had less than a 50% chance to live and that he would start chemo within days. It was a LOT to take in all at once, but Ryan had no hesitation. He knew what he was going to be fighting for... his family, his life and everything that he loved.
He fought, and he fought HARD. He fought until there was nothing more that modern medicine could do to help him.
*
He began this journey surrounded by family and love, and he ended this journey surrounded by family and love.
The journey of living, laughing, putting complete trust and faith in God, and making the MOST out of life with those he LOVED the most...
his family.
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And so, I begin the final chapters of Ryan's journey...
The day we found out that there was NOTHING more that could be done medically to help Ryan, was the day that we told the kids that Daddy was going to die.
That night, we kept Hallie up and talked JUST to her. It was hard, for all of us. We tried to make the conversation as joyous and peaceful as possible and in doing so, Ryan explained several things. He told her that he would ALWAYS be with us, that he would be FREE from all pain and sickness, and most importantly, that he was going to return Home to Heavenly Father and Jesus.
Ryan then asked Hallie if she had any special things she wanted to do with him and she said, "I want you to come to my book fair and make cookies with me."
The next morning, he headed off to the book fair with his little girl:
While in the book fair, Hallie's teacher (Mrs. Nelson) just happened to walk in and said that the class had just finished planting a tree for Earth Day in Ryan's honor...
The Ryan Hess Memorial Tree
It is so neat that Hallie will be able to see this tree EVERY day at school. Another reminder for her of her Dad and the LOVE that so many people have for him and our family.
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I skipped out in mentioning a while back that Ryan had created a bucket list. A couple of the things on that list were:
1) Buy and restore a (1968-1972) Chevy Truck
2) Take Margie to Hawaii or some other tropical place
Well, around his birthday, he found a 1970 Chevy Truck. He went and looked at it and really, it was LOVE at first sight! He wanted it and wanted it bad. He gave me EVERY reason why to get it, and I think I gave him every reason why we shouldn't get a third (clunker of a) car. Then he says, "Margie, it was one of the things on my bucket list... I've ALWAYS wanted a truck around this year. I found it! It's in GREAT condition and it has a SWEET motor- You will LOVE it!"
How could I say "NO" to that?!? He had found his DREAM car!!!
We all began to love his truck. And Yes, I do love the motor- it does sound pretty dang sweet!!!
The kids LOVED going for rides with Dad in the truck and Ryan LOVED revving his engine in the garage and around town.
He really only got to enjoy his truck for about 3 weeks before his cancer came back. When he was in the hospital, he would ask if we were starting the truck up for him. Upon each arrival home, it was one of the FIRST things he would do. Sometimes he was too sick to drive it around, but he would at least start it up, just to hear that "SWEET motor..."
He wanted to take it to Hallie's book fair, so here are my two FAVORITE boys:
♥ them!
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By that weekend, all our family was out and we were ALL able to enjoy the kids playing soccer.
This was a picture of Max after he scored his FIRST goal! He took it down and scored into his OWN team's goal. Just look at that happy face...he was SO proud and we were too.
I think of everything that happened at the soccer games, this next picture meant the MOST to me. Ryan was really weak during his final weeks and he had to use a wheelchair a good majority of the time. Getting up and moving around required a lot of work and effort.
I don't think the kids realized how neat it was for Ryan to get up to do this...
but it is something I won't EVER forget.
***
We are a forever family...
Forever TEAM RYAN HESS
(more posts coming soon)
33 comments:
Beautiful Margie
I have really enjoyed reading your blog. You have a beautiful family and a beautiful way of putting your trials into meaningful messages. I appreciate your courage and strength. Many times I have thought of and prayed for your family. I am from SV, but I did not know Ryan personally, I did know Jessica and Mitchel though. Again, thank you for your touching messages and outlook on life. Praying for you, Jesika Gardiner
I LOVE this post!!!
I love that Ryan lived every minute that he was here to the fullest.
I love that he is holding a book that says "Eternal" on the front. Heavenly Father even had a little message for your family at the book fair.
I love that he got that truck! I can't wait to see it all fixed up for Max's prom. I think that is the cutest idea ever.
I love the tree so that Ryan can go to school with Hallie each day.
I love the pictures of Max and Ryan. I was so drawn to Max when we saw you because he just glows. Always happy and smiling. I think he is going to be SO much like his daddy.
I love that Ryan was standing when it would have been so much easier to sit, and fighting when it would have been easier to give up.
And I LOVE that you are a forever family!
Thank you so much for taking us beyond the cancer, and reminding me that some of our greatest joy can be found right in the midst of tragedy.
LOVE YOU!!!!
Awesome!
What a beautiful family. It makes me want to be a better wife and mother when I read your posts. Thank you for sharing your memories with all of us.
Christin
So beautiful, Margie!
Thanks so much for your incredible faith and your love for family.
I agree with all of the other comments but want you to know especially that I have been inspired by your blog and especially the last few posts. You are truly inspired by the spirit to keep posting. I am LDS and live in Catalina. I also work at Northwest Medical Center. I would not have known about you and Ryan if it weren't for the Unit Clerk on the 3rd floor posting links on her facebook page. :) Thanks to Sandra posting the link and especially to you for all the pictures and your sweet testimony filled with hope and peace.
I am struggling with some pretty strong issues right now, but reading your testimony and reading the little messages about being an forever family and an eternal family makes me want to try harder and be better so my family can also be eternal. Reading your blog has created opportunities for the spirit to touch my heart when I may not otherwise have been listening. You are doing a good work and your testimony is gentle, but powerful, thank you.
Gretchen
You are a gifted writer and photographer and a beautiful human being. You and Ryan have changed my life forever. Thank you for continuing to share your journey. I LOVE looking at pictures of Ryan and his sweet smile. Love you always! Les
you are beautiful!
The Scott's send their love to the Hess'!!
You my dear leave me breathless.. Your family is often in my thoughts..
Thank you for taking the time to do this. It really is comforting to see how Ryan spent his last weeks living to the fullest. You can see the happiness in all of your eyes. I don't know if you knew, but you guys lived below me and my husband in Rexburg for a few months in the apartment near Sinclair gas station. I think you may have been pregnant by then? But it has just been neat to watch your journey.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to read these posts without a box of tissues...or two. It makes me remember that it really is the little things that are the big things. Thanks for the reminder.
Margie,
Thanks for being willing to share your experience with all of us. What a perfect way to end the blog. I think you need to write a book. You truly have a gift of putting life into words.
I love reading your memories. You remind me to make more of my own and to appreciate each moment. Thank you. Your words seem set to a celestial melody that touches my heart (and tear ducts) with tender love. Thank you for continuing this blog.
I love it! I love that you are a camera person & take it with you wherever you go! Moments like this are precious, and having them captured on film keep them unforgettable for the kids! Hooray for you & your strength! I am happy he was able to cross that truck one off his bucket list! We love old trucks too :)
I love that you are sharing these photos with us. You are beautiful!
I love this. I love he got his truck. I love seeing him standing and the smile on his face. I love seeing him and Max filling up the truck. All those memories are so priceless and amazing.
i know that you dont know me margie, but this is absolutely beautiful. you are such a strong woman. i love the gas pump picture...it's just priceless! i feel so grateful that i have been able to share in ryan's journey because of your blog. thank you for all that you do. god bless you and your family.
Thank you for continuing to share Margie. It is always inspiring to see you guys smiling through it all. Im so glad you were able to make some happy memories together in the end. Ryans spirit and example will always live on in our hearts. It is so cool that he got his own tree. You can tell how much he was loved and touched everyone he met. Big HUGS to you all!
I have a feeling I'm going to bawl through all of these. But I can't wait to read them. Thanks for sharing Margie.
Thank you for sharing these wonderful, precious times with us, Margie. We love you!
I don't know you, but my husband served in the same mission as Ryan. Each time I read your blog, I'm brought to tears. What a strong and incredible family you have! Your unwavering faith, is truly inspiring! What a comfort it is to have the gospel and to know that Families Are Forever!! Hugs to you and your beautiful children!
I have thought about you and your family often. I am so glad that you are going to post the memories your family made with Ryan.
You are an amazing person Margie! Ryan was blessed to have found you.
Thanks so much, Margie, for still being willing to share all this with all of us. It is so amazing to see your family's strength through it all, and I am amazed at the testimony I see in your pictures. Pure testimony, and it's so beautiful. Love you!!
I admire you for your strength and thank you so much for continuing to bless us with memories of Ryan.
Loooove all these pics (lots I haven't seen!!!!!). Thanks for continuing to share share share!!! We love it!!
This was such a fun yet tearful post to read! I'm so happy for you guys and the wonderful memories you were able to make, and now hold onto forever. We just loved the Truck! Now that is totally Ryan!!! Brian was so happy for him! Ryan always talked about restoring an old truck.
I'm so glad you continued on with the blog. I gain so much strength when I read through it. What a beautiful life! And such strengthening testimonies. Thanks Margie for sharing your Forever Family with us! Love ya
The pictures and memories you are sharing are such treasures. Thank you for sharing these memories with us. You should turn your blog into a book for your kids (you've probably already thought of that).
Thank you so much. That was lovely, and truly inspiring.
Margie,
Thank you so much for continuting your blog. You are such a strong, amazing, truly inspired woman. I appreciate your pictures and words. I agree with the post above, you would be a wonderful author. I'm excited to see all of your wonderful memories up to the end. Thanks you again for your inspiration and example. You make me want to be a better person.
Love, loVE, LOVE this post. Did I mention love? :) It warms my heart that your family got to make so many lasting memories. How awesome is it that Ryan has a smile on his face in all these pics. What a man! I'm sure he wasn't feeling well, but he took the time to create memories I'm sure the kids will never forget.
p.s. I know I have told you several times, but I think your kids are adorable!
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